We all have our insecurities, some more than others. I had done pretty well with my insecurities until recently, when my vulnerabilities have resurfaced.

I’m not quite sure what brought it on, maybe it’s because I have been a little under the weather and a little over tired (Think I managed 10 hours sleep in the past 7 days) and so I am emotional and stressy. Add to that a small argument which saw me reveal some of my inner most thoughts and feelings about my own problems, I find myself requiring constant contact and reassurance. I know I am being a pain in the arse, but I am a worrier anyway and the kind of person who replies to a text in 30 seconds, I know that’s not possible for everyone else, but I find myself now worrying that my constant pestering is probably annoying the fuck out of my friend and beginning to suffocate them putting them off spending time or talking to me. They have already told me they struggle to just talk for the sake of it with me, but right now that’s what I need.

My best friend thinks I am doing really well with my self confidence because I have started talking to old friends again, how wrong they may be. I have reaffirmed my self with people who I do care about and who I know are having problems. I am trying my best to help them with their problems to keep me from worrying about myself or my own problems. I am trying to keep myself busy because I know all too well that if you leave me to my own devices I am my own worst enemy and can destroy myself in seconds. The contact with old friends has been refreshing though to say the least, for the first time in a long while I have felt I don’t need to put all my shit on squidge when he has his own problems. Yet now I have played mender and fixer nobody has the time for me again and I am back to a low point, feeling lonely and over thinking and over-analysing things. :(

I just want to apologise for being such a pain in the arse, I don’t purposefully set out to be that way, but I need someone to be there for me right now, even if it’s just for a hug or a stupid text message to put a smile on my face. I don’t expect you to give me the world, you already are my world and mean so much to me and I’m sorry I’m so shit x


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