I've got Pat Benatar stuck in my bloody head lol!

Your love is like a tidal wave, spinning over my head
Drownin me in your promises, better left unsaid
Youre the right kind of sinner, to release my inner fantasy
The invincible winner, and you know that you were born to be
Youre a heartbreaker
Dream maker, love taker
Dont you mess around with me!

Your love has set my soul on fire, burnin out of control
You taught me the ways of desire, now its takin its toll
I've been looking at XKCD loads lately. One of my friends tweets a link to some of them regularly.

I have to say this one cheers me up as it could be so true to something I would do it's untrue.

I long to feel the soft weight of you
to welcome you home, with kisses
on silky round cheeks.

Instead my arms ache with the
weight of your absence,
the empty places that were meant for you
to grow into.

My love for you will last an eternity
My hopes and dreams now carried
on the fragile wings of each butterfly passing
compelling me to pause,
to savour each moment,

each flutter in my heart-
your wings.
Ok so this probably isn't the best place to write this but I have had it in my head an have nobody to talk to it about so though what the hell I shall type it out because it helps me sort my head.

In December of 2004 I had an operation to remove my right fallopian tube and right ovary due to a large cyst which ruptured and damaged both beyond repair. I wasn't sure if I would be able to get pregnant as I no longer had regular periods but in  July 2005 I found out I was pregnant. However I lost my little jellybean JLB on the 30th August and after that my periods pretty much disappeared. I comforted a lot with food and my weight crept up which no doubt added to my lack of periods. Despite my lack of periods I fell pregnant again and once again lost the baby however it was much earlier on in the pregnancy than JLB and I don't tend to talk much about it.

My periods really took a nose dive and I was lucky if I had 1 or 2 a year. However since losing all this weight my periods have come back and whilst they aren't spot on regular they are getting better. Part of me really wants to know if I am ovulating though as the doctors never ran tests after I split with Ste so I don't know if my one remaining ovary is working properly. So I was thinking now that my periods are back I could use ovulation tests to see if I am ovulating.

The only problem with that is I don't know how long my cycle is going to be, plus I don't want to set myself up for a fall, if that makes sense. There's part of me that really wants to know though. I've always wanted kids, nobody can deny it. I love kids and I know I use spud as my surrogate but I just think part of me needs to know but part of me is scared.

I can get 60 ovulation tests from ebay for around £6 so the cost isn't huge. It's just wether it's worth putting myself through it at the moment, when I have no partner and no prospective sperm donor either.

Who knew thinking could be so dangerous.