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Ok so this probably isn't the best place to write this but I have had it in my head an have nobody to talk to it about so though what the hell I shall type it out because it helps me sort my head.

In December of 2004 I had an operation to remove my right fallopian tube and right ovary due to a large cyst which ruptured and damaged both beyond repair. I wasn't sure if I would be able to get pregnant as I no longer had regular periods but in  July 2005 I found out I was pregnant. However I lost my little jellybean JLB on the 30th August and after that my periods pretty much disappeared. I comforted a lot with food and my weight crept up which no doubt added to my lack of periods. Despite my lack of periods I fell pregnant again and once again lost the baby however it was much earlier on in the pregnancy than JLB and I don't tend to talk much about it.

My periods really took a nose dive and I was lucky if I had 1 or 2 a year. However since losing all this weight my periods have come back and whilst they aren't spot on regular they are getting better. Part of me really wants to know if I am ovulating though as the doctors never ran tests after I split with Ste so I don't know if my one remaining ovary is working properly. So I was thinking now that my periods are back I could use ovulation tests to see if I am ovulating.

The only problem with that is I don't know how long my cycle is going to be, plus I don't want to set myself up for a fall, if that makes sense. There's part of me that really wants to know though. I've always wanted kids, nobody can deny it. I love kids and I know I use spud as my surrogate but I just think part of me needs to know but part of me is scared.

I can get 60 ovulation tests from ebay for around £6 so the cost isn't huge. It's just wether it's worth putting myself through it at the moment, when I have no partner and no prospective sperm donor either.

Who knew thinking could be so dangerous.

2 comments:

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Aminabugz/Nat said...

i feel your pain.. I have pcos and the weight and period problems are the same.. however, i have been married 9 years and i have not fallen pregant once.. so i cannot possibly know how you feel about that and i am sorry for your loss..

As for the ovulating, i also have not checked as i am scared. I guess, when you are ready for it, you will know and be happy to go down that road.

I also must say from the pics you have posted on the forum, you are looking amazing.. Try and be positive.. hugs and if you need someone to talk to, i am but an email away..

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