For many years now I have suffered with nightmares. Some milder than others but in general relating to everything from Joshua, to my ex to friends and then just randomness.

The worst thing for me is dreaming about a person dying. Several months ago I had a dream that a family friend died, we found out the next day that she passed through the night. Luckily I had no dreams about death since, and my nightmares had settled, until last night.

Last night I dreamt a very special friend had killed himself. He's having a rough time of it and I don't know if that prompted the dream or what, all i know is that i managed two hours sleep and woke in tears. Normally I speak to this friend most days and I text them and got no reply. My heart sank and I had a panic attack. I was convinced that history had repeated itself and that my dream had been a sign. So I have spent most of the day in a tired and dazed and extremely emotional state.

I have since heard from him and he is ok, and now I find myself crying tears of relief. I know I should try to sleep now. After all with being ill my body needs it but now I lay here too scared to close my eyes, like I am being haunted from within.


Anonymous said...

You don't have to worry about me, you know I am too much of a coward to kill myself x

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